March 4, 2010

Phil came from hockey last night late. Normally he is stealth guy coming home at about 1:00 am. He was unusually loud when he came in at 2:30. I was half awake when he walked in the bedroom door and stated "I had a really bad night." His tone of voice immediately had me full awake. His hockey team had just been winding down their hockey scrimmage when one the player began complaining of feeling very tired, then he couldn't catch his breath with a tightness in his chest. Phil immediately had the "rink rat" (his words) call for an ambulance. A minute later the guy collapsed. Phil started the CPR protocols. It was tough, the guy would go from no heart beat, no breathing, to weak heart beat with assisted breathing, then he would try big gasping breaths on his own and around again. By the time the ambulance had him packaged up he was up to assisted breathing. This is a small town hockey team. Some of these guys had know him for 30 years. One was his best friend. They are a very tight group. Halfway through getting changed out of their hockey gear word came back that he had crashed again in the ambulance and died.

Anyone who knows Phil knows he is as logical as it gets without the pointy ears. His mind knows the stats of survival with heart attack and CPR but that pesky human side of him had a lot of emotions swirling around. Phil and I have been together for 24 years and I 've seen him cry twice. Once when his grandfather died and once when mine did. As he talked to me he leaked a little which was as unnerving to me as someone else having a complete melt down. We stayed up talking until about 4:30.

Phil and I went to work the next day (the logical thing to do), I was pretty tired though. Everyone was great. Sharon had a dozen roses at her desk she cut one off and put it in a bud vase for me. So that ended up being the photo of the day. Taken from above on my white desk it looks like a cut out, but the shot is "as is" dusted of course.